Getting A Divorce When Your Marriage Ends Abruptly – By Wendi Schuller
It comes as a shock when receiving news that your spouse is abruptly ending the marriage. Hard to believe even when there were little signs that something was amiss in the relationship. When the other person firmly makes up their mind to break it off – it is over. It is upsetting when the decision was made and not discussed with you first. You may have been served papers or notified by a third party.
Of course, you would like an explanation and not be playing guessing games in your head. This may never happen. It is difficult when there are loose threads. Closure makes it easier to move on when there is a clear-cut reason for the ending of your marriage. Since there is no communication, you cannot be sure if it was something you did or if a new love interest popped into the picture. One is left hanging. If a boundary was crossed into a no-go area, then at least you would understand why they are wanting a divorce. It is childish for them to do silence and avoid a discussion.
Accept what happened is final. Wishing for a reunion keeps you attached to them and is it not going to happen. You are wasting time and energy on this fantasy. This mental connection prevents one from moving on.
Emotionally getting through this situation
Spend a day really feeling your grief. Cry, wail, scream, curse or whatever else you feel needs expressing. You are experiencing a loss, a death of a relationship. Concentrate on dealing with it being over. Later as time moves on, you can appreciate the fun times. You got some life lessons from this episode.
Rally your support system around you. Call or go out with friends. Talk it out with them. Have some fun. Try a new café.
Get out in nature. Take walks in leafy areas. Exercise releases pent up energy and anxiety. One feels better after a run when the endorphins are increased. Getting a physical work out calms nerves and helps one be able to deal with divorce.
What to do or not do
Do not contact them no matter how tempting it is to text or call. This is giving them power to reject you again. They want a divorce.
There is a void – empty space inside of you from their departure. Fill it up. When one removes a dead tree, they do not leave a big hole. It is filled in with a plant or something else. Plant something else inside of you. Take up a new activity. Join a MeetUp.com group and expand your social network.
Getting into a new environment can help. You are not running into your spouse or dealing with as many triggers. Travel to an enticing destination on your bucket list. The point is not to allow that person to dwell in your head.
Ending a relationship abruptly is disrespectful and not valuing you. Do you really want a relationship where you are not cherished and it is all about them? No!! You deserve much more. After your divorce, move on to someone who will appreciate you.
Wendi Schuller is the author of The Global Guide To Divorce. She has a series of children’s books with the third, Jack Jack The Cat Loose In London released soon. She is a dating coach who specializes in helping people date after divorce. www.globalguidetodivorce.com
Paradigm Family Law have a team of experienced lawyers to help guide you through the process of divorce, just waiting to hear from you.
If you would like more details on this or want to discuss your family law matter, please do not hesitate to contact James, Frank, Evelyn or Paul. Paradigm Family Law offers a free initial consultation and our fixed fee solutions cover financial proceedings from start to finish. You can call us on 01904 217225 or email us to [email protected].