Isolation in Divorce – Don’t let it overcome you
Guest Blog by Wendy Schuller
After a divorce, one can feel isolated. Maybe you lost your social circle. It could have been people which your spouse works with or knew for ages. Couples sometimes distance themselves from both people in the midst of divorce for various reasons. They do not want to be caught in the middle of a divorce drama or take sides. Some couples seem to think other peoples’ divorces are a contagious condition and they back away.
A potential problem is when one spouse was the social director in the marriage
He/she arranged all of the get-togethers, dinner parties and celebrations. They scouted out great activities and the other spouse went along with the plans. When relying on a spouse to fulfil social needs and bring people into one’s sphere, divorce signifies loss. Loss of relationships, including with former in-laws, or mutual friends. When used to living with a spouse, not having someone else to talk to at home can increase feeling isolated. This is when adopting a pet(s) has helped many of us.
How to get started again
Talk with your co-workers to see what they are doing. Are there ‘Let’s Go To The Pub After Work’ evenings you missed while married? Networking and strengthening bonds occur at these informal gatherings. Inform work mates that you would like to be included. They can also introduce you to their friends which boosts your social life.
Many of us divorced people have joined MeetUp.com to enlarge our social circles and make new friends. There are plenty of special interest groups, such as hiking, music, dining out, films and so forth. MeetUp.com has ones for singles and divorce. The members are going through similar issues and be a source of support. I am in The Divorce Club in London and which has a variety of activities.
When feeling lonely, I go to a coffee shop which has a community table and strike up a conversation. If not feeling chatty, but craving company, go with your laptop and do your own thing. You are still surrounded by others. It is being alone which can be depressing.
Some people get more involved with their church, temple or synagogue
My divorced friend met her next husband at her Anglican Church’s singles group. My Catholic Church in London started having Quiz Nights which include wine and great food. It is fun being on a team and meeting new people, even when we tied for last place with the quiz.
Take up a sport
There is comradery doing team sports, plus much to discuss afterwards. My male friend got back into rugby and liked the after-match events as well. Participating in sports can be addictive and gets one out of the house. Post-divorce, I took up running again and feel more a part of my neighbourhood and community.
A person gets better doing a sport with practice. This is the same principle for expanding one’s social circle and feeling less isolated. Practice connecting with others. Talk to the barista or cashier and ask how their day is. I have gotten in interesting discussions during these quick interactions. I talk to people waiting in a queue around me. Bit by bit more individuals will enter your life after divorce. Your loneliness will become a thing in the past.
Paradigm Family Law have a team of experienced lawyers to help guide you through the process of divorce, just waiting to hear from you.
If you would like more details on this or want to discuss your family law matter, please do not hesitate to contact James, Frank, Evelyn or Paul. Paradigm Family Law offers a free initial consultation and our fixed fee solutions cover financial proceedings from start to finish. You can call us on 01904 217225 or email us to [email protected].